communication skills

Met w/ Msgr. Hambrough tonight to begin discussing the 'results' of our 164 question 'compatibility test' we took several weeks ago...

When we sat down in his office, he handed us a sheet of paper that had our 'results' on it. In some areas, we did very well (%'s were based on how many questions we answered the same way as each other.)--for instance, we got a 100% in parenting issues. (Go us!) But in other areas, we didn't do so hot: financial issues, for example, got us a 25%. Not so good. Then Msgr. explained that the authors of this 'test' choose how they feel the questions should be answered--a.k.a. the "right" answers. So no matter if a couple answers the questions the same as each other--which, in my opinion matters more than what is "right" by someone else's standards--they are still counted as "wrong".

Tonight's topic was communication, mostly. (I think we earned maybe a 42% in this category. Again, not so hot, but we both know and agree it isn't one of our strongest points.) We discussed w/ Msgr. how we handle each other's petty annoyances and idiosyncrasies (sp?); Dustin decided to tell Msgr. exactly how I handle it: by saying, "You're annoying the piss out of me!" That got an interesting look from Msgr., but also a chuckle.

We discussed how best to 'proceed' in an argument--i.e., I need to give Dustin his 10, 15, 30 minutes to calm down (but he can't change the amount of time once the clock's started ticking, ha ha!) then he needs to be able to say, "Ok, I'm calm; let's talk."

We also told Msgr. how we like to 'pick' at each other to see how riled up we can get the other person; he thought we were weirdos for that. "In my 19 years of doing this, I have never heard a couple say, 'We like to pick at each other just to annoy each other'." But when Dustin and I explained that we don't do it to piss each other off persay, and explained that's how we joke w/ each other, Msgr. seemed to understand a little bit better.

Other questions on the test were brought up and discussed--we both think the other is stubborn / hard to reason w/; he doesn't agree w/ my career choice bc I'm always miserable ; I think he watches too much TV, things like that. And we really talked about it all. It was helpful to have a 'mediator' of sorts there; he helped to spur along conversation, and kept us talking instead of arguing about key issues to us.

I honestly don't think that this 'pre-marriage counseling' of sorts is a bad idea; I actually think it is a great idea. However, the $150 we're going to have to drop on the actual Pre-Canaa (sp?) classes is a WHOLE DIFFERENT ballgame.... >:/