almost here...

I can't believe the biggest day of my life is in 4 days. I just read Carly's blog in which she "gushed" (sorry, Carly! lol) over her guy and I realized I don't think I've ever really done that about Dustin on here. So, please excuse my general sappiness--I've been doing that a lot here lately--and if you get too mushed out, stop reading...

So Dustin and I had been arguing for the past couple days--over something which was a big deal to me, but seemed pretty insignificant to him. (Dustin don't get mad at me for putting this on here, either. NO DETAILS, I promise.) It doesn't matter now what it was or why we started an argument in the first place, but looking back I realize that it was to an extent pretty frivolous and pointless. Both of us over reacted (yea, babe, I'm admitting that I did, too :P ) and it made things worse. But after talking to a very good friend of mine, I realized something: Dustin and I have made it through and gotten over stuff that was much worse than what we just argued about. That made me feel so much better. I finally kicked myself in the ass, swallowed my pride, and realized that we're getting married in 4 days; why should we be acting like this toward each other? So we talked last night and things are better--I bawled my eyes out, of course. (Been doing a lot of that lately, too...)

I've also realized just how nervous I really am. It's more of an excited nervous, bc I can't wait for our wedding, but there's a little bit of fear in there, too. And I know--after talking to some people--that that is not a bad thing. It's totally normal, and all this time I've been hiding my fear bc I thought it was bad that I was scared and nervous. But this is a HUGE deal. And I have no doubt whatsoever in my mind. This is what I want and have wanted since the day I met Dustin.

I offended him Sunday. When we were arguing, before he got out of the truck, he said something to me that just stunned me into silence. He said, "When are you going to realize that I am in love with you, I'm marrying you in 6 days, and you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen?" I bitch bc he rarely says stuff like that to me, and when he said all that, I had no clue what to say. I just sat there, stunned, in silence. I have NEVER in my life had anyone say something like that to me. AND MEAN IT. That's when it really hit me: this man is so in love with me that he would do anything for me, and I feel completely the same way about him. I mean I've known it all along, but it really slapped me in the face Sunday. I know we have our bad moments--sad, screaming, arguing, fighting, etc...but we also have our good moments--laughing, acting like little kids, just being together. We have made it through every one of our problems and issues, and I feel like the strongest person in the world for it all. He and I have put each other through hell and back, we have been through things together that I don't think either of us would wish on any other couple. And we have made it out together, maybe bruised and scarred, but stronger bc of it all.
I have never in my life felt this way about anyone, nor have I ever felt that I am making the best--and right--decision of my life. I have a guy that, although we have our problems (everyone does), would do and does anything for me and I have seen such a GOOD, POSITIVE change in him over the past 5 years that sometimes I can't believe he has "grown up" so much. (For lack of better terms.)

Dustin I know you don't like when I air our personal stuff on here, but this is one that had to get out and I had to post it. Thank you for everything. I can't even think of where to begin. But like the card said, I love you more each day, and I don't always show it the best, but know that I'm always here. I love you.