i made a mistake

Ok, this is a REALLY DIFFICULT entry for me to write. I only ask that no one judge, based on my decision. I made a mistake.

Let me backtrack. I started my new job yesterday morning, only to suffer through the 8 hour day and come home in tears. I didn't like it. And that's no knock against the company or the people; it just wasn't for me. Those of you whom I've spoken with know all the "gory" details, so I won't go into them on here.

I called the office this morning and left a voicemail that I wouldn't be coming back in. I just didn't feel like I fit, or that I was suited for the job, or that it would get any better. I understand I only had a day under my belt, and that the first day or week of a new job is always overwhelming and stressful. However, if it's making me feel physically BAD (I woke up at 5 a.m. this morning in a cold sweat and could not get back to sleep, no matter how hard I tried), it's not worth it to me. I've spent way too much time in jobs where I was uncomfortable, unhappy, unsatisfied, and sometimes just plain miserable. And I've decided I'm not going to do that anymore. I have to do this for me, for the sake of my sanity, and as well as for the sake of my husband's sanity. It's not fair for me to settle for a job in which I will be so unhappy that I come home and make his life a living hell. I've done it before and I can't do it anymore.

Like I said, please don't judge. It definitely wasn't an easy decision, or one I made lightly. Part of me feels like people will be disappointed, or look down on me, or view me as a quitter. But then another part of me feels like it was MY decision, and I shouldn't have to explain. Yea, maybe I didn't give it much of a chance--after all, one day is NOTHING--but I couldn't. It just wasn't me, or what I wanted to do, simply stated.

I do have to thank all of you for all the support you've given me over the last couple months of being unemployed and being a roller coaster of emotions. And I appreciate the fact that you're all pulling for me to land that "dream job". And I appreciate even more the fact that you've all been such good friends that I can't even begin to describe it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And now, if you'll all excuse me, I have more resumes to send out, a return phone call to make to a potential employer, and a phone call to make to the temp agency. Here I go back on the rollercoaster, but at least I'm staying on the ride and not falling off. :)