It was a long journey...

Taking a trip down memory lane this evening, that is.

On my lunch break today, I skimmed an article in the "Real Simple" magazine. The jist of it was, a woman gathering up belongings and packing to leave the house as wildfires came near. She was amazed at some of the things she chose to bring (a bubblegum pink journal from her childhood, marked "My Treasures"), and appalled at some of the things she didn't think to grab (bras and socks, for instance). She talked about material items, and the lack of need for some things. And that got me thinking...

"It's time to clean and purge the back bedroom...AGAIN." We have a lot of "STUFF". It's STUFF that we don't use and don't need, much less ever LOOK at. STUFF is crammed in Rubbermaid containers, stuffed in closets, and tucked out of sight of guests. But I KNOW IT'S THERE. I got Dustin on board, and within about 2 1/2 hours, we'd hauled out 2 boxes and 1 giant trash bag of JUNK, plus gathered a good size box of more STUFF to donate to Goodwill.

I still have 2 or 3 containers at my parents' house - STUFF I knew didn't necessarily have to come with me when I moved out. So I decided to swing by and grab one, bring it home, go through it, and possibly free up some room in the container to pack in MORE JUNK. The only one I could manage up from the basement and out to the car by myself was the motherload...

My prized box I created LONG ago. Cut outs, stickers, and magazine clippings adorn it, and I even used decoupage glue to keep it all in place. This box held my theatre possessions at one time, and now it holds some of the items I hold most near and dear to the heart of my past. A necklace from an ex boyfriend's parents, my baby book and "First Year" calendar, the $2 bills my grandfather gave me over the years...and my old diaries.


Of course I had to skim through them, pausing longer at certain entries than others, while totally skipping over some. Pages had been edited over the years, scribbled over, and in some cases, completely removed.


I laughed as I read...In these journals (dating back to 1995!), I talked about holding hands with a boy (*gasp!*), my first kiss, getting my drivers' license, losing my virginity, and falling in love for the first time.


I smiled while reminiscing...I fought with my parents, spent hours talking about life with my friends, and felt "so old" when my little brother graduated grade school. (Little did I know that, six years from that entry, I would be journalling his COLLEGE graduation...ONLINE, nonetheless, and feeling REALLLLLY old!)


I even teared up...A grade school friend lost her oldest brother in a car accident; another dear friend became sick and lost his battle with cancer a mere 6 months later. My grandfather B. was taken from the family, his diabetes eventually claiming his life; a year later, my grandmother T. lost her battle with cancer.


My handwriting changed from simple printing to cursive to a combination of both. I began favoring plain black or blue notebooks, as opposed to the decorated ones you see here, because they were more "mature". I even tried the "official" journal thing - leatherbound, hard cover, gold leaf designs on the edges - but always came back to my trusty plain, college-ruled, ninety-nine cent Walmart notebooks. They weren't "official writer's" material, but they were easy to work with and just as special to me.


Some events and conversations I had completely forgotten about, and I found myself shaking my head as the memories resurfaced while I read. It seems like on the very rare occasions I pull out the old diaries, I'm still finding things that have escaped me. I couldn't believe what a big deal certain things were, and on the other hand, I couldn't believe I'd been so blase about other things.


Here's what's weird to me, though. "Back then", diaries were private. Oh my God, I would have totally just DIED if my mom or dad found / read any of them. (Which, in one case, my mother DID find and read my journal. Hoo, boy...) Now, I blog (a.k.a., JOURNAL) online for all my friends, some family, and any random stranger to read. Granted I never blog anything TOO terribly personal, but I am pretty open and tend to bare myself more than I ever thought I would in such a public forum.

Perhaps it's time (at least for the more personal things) to bust out the old fashioned wirebound notebook and ballpoint pen and keep track. I've got so much stuff swimming around in my mind that God knows I can't rely on just my brain to keep ALL this stuff alive!