forgive me, Father, for i have sinned:

it's been approximately...12 (?!) years since my last confession... Yea, that sounds about right...

Dustin & I met w/ Msgr. Hambrough last night to start our meetings (since we are getting married in a Catholic church). Since Dusty is Baptist, he was a little nervous about the meetings & classes at first, I think. Well I don't know about being nervous so much as, he just didn't WANT to do them. But I kept reassuring him, "They won't be that bad...It'll be easy...It's basically just talking to Msgr. at the meetings, then learning 'Catholic-y' (is that a word?) stuff at the classes...Piece of cake..." Boy did those words come back to bite me in the ass last night...

So we're sitting out in the foyer of the Church, waiting for Msgr. to get there, and I start kinda whispering repeatedly, "Please don't let him ask how often I go to church...". Well we went in, sat down on the couch, and Msgr. sat at his desk. He started off simple: names, birthdates, parents' names, addresses, phone numbers, just for the file. Then he gets out a plain white sheet of paper and starts asking us questions to get to know us better. It was kinda weird sitting there answering all these questions while he was scratching away on the paper. Like taking notes on us. Felt like I was at a job interview or something.

Anyway, Msgr. started out simple again: what do you do for a living; where did you go to highschool and / or college; what do your parents do for a living; how many siblings / how old. Most of these he already knew about my family since he's been w/ our parish since April of 1998, but it gave him a chance to get to know Dustin and his background a little better.

Then he gets into:
1) How & where did you meet each other (well, Msgr., we were cruising Lindbergh and he yelled out his window to me)
2) How long have you been dating (4 years) / engaged (1.5 years)
3) What do you love about him / her
4) What kind of mother / father do you think or hope you'll be
5) How many times (if any) have you broken up since you've been together (can't even REMEMBER that answer, although it's been none since we got back together for good in December 2002). All those questions weren't really so bad either.

THEN came the damning questions--at least for my own (not so much anymore) Catholic self:
1) How is your relationship w/ God (at this point, pretty non-existent, though I didn't say it in those exact terms)
2) Why is your relationship w/ God the way it is (bc I'm kinda bitter, I have questions, etc.--wanted to say, "Bc I disagree w/ over half of what I've learned as a child", but I didn't go there. )
3) How often do you pray
4) How often do you go to Church (ummm...are Christmas and Easter enough to redeem myself?) / why so infrequent
5) When was your last confession (ummm...maybe 12 years ago? My answer to Msgr.? "I can't sink much lower into the couch...")

Well crap. I definitely "flunked" that part of the test.

After all of the questions and such, Msgr. talked w/ us about what we'll be doing at the remainder of the meetings w/ him (4 or 5 more over the course of the next 5 months), and gave us a bit of info about the classes. He stressed the importance of prayer & going to church ("Especially YOU," as he pointed his finger at me) to strengthen our relationship w/ God, thereby strengthening the relationship w/ each other. And it did all make sense to me, and I've even been saying to Dustin for the past couple months, "I really need to start going to church more often...I really ought to go to church..." But like I told Msgr., it's out of sheer laziness that I DON'T go. I have no good reason NOT to go.

Next time we go to meet w/ him is December 11 at 10:00 a.m. On that day, we'll be taking a 160-question "Agree or Disagree" test about each other. After we're done w/ it, Msgr. will review it, and we'll spend the next meeting or two discussing our answers, and going over any that we disagreed on. (Kinda like pre-marriage counseling.) I told Dustin to be honest, though; this could definitely be beneficial, if we take it and treat it as such. I just hope this test doesn't ever ask, "Have you engaged in premarital..."

Oh sheesh...I'm really screwed. (No pun intended.)

my version of stream of consciousness

I decided to copy Becker's random stream of consciousness bc 1) "it's easier than trying to have a format or cohesive essay" (to quote him), and 2) he's just cool, and so is his blog. (Yea, I'm a nerd.) Here's my random stream of thoughts for this morning and this past weekend:

-- Anniversary: 4 years for Dustin and I today. Had our rockiness and our on and off, but we still count it as four years together. (Side note: Thought he'd forgotten, but I just got a phone call from him, wishing me happy anniversary :) -- "I Heard it on the Radio": Show closed yesterday, was a great success. Thursday night we only sold 5 tables of the 18 we had available, but it was a decent crowd who ended up on their feet at the end. Friday thru Sunday were all sold-out performances & standing ovations. (No matter how many shows I do, a standing O is still one of the greatest feelings I've ever had.) Mom, grandma, Florence, Aunt Eva, and Aunt Patty saw the show Saturday night & loved it. Aunt Patty came in from TEXAS Friday morning so she could see the show on Saturday, then went home yesterday. Sunday we did strike after the show, then sat around eating.

-- Like Becker, I am very much looking forward to only a 3-day work week.

-- Realized--even more--how much Dustin has come around where my theatrical endeavors are concerned. He's done a complete 180 between when we first started dating and now. Hopefully he knows how much his support means to me and how much I appreciate it.

-- Hot baths are wonderful--they feel great on pulled back muscles (yea, did that Friday night and was in VERY MUCH pain for the last 2 shows) and over-danced legs.

-- Thought I could "relax" this short work week / long weekend, and was sorely mistaken. Every day and night between now and next Monday are booked with something or other.

-- 'Almighty weather men' are talking snow by / for Wednesday. That sucks. Not a big fan of snow and being cold. I take that back: I do like snow, I just HATE driving in it. And I hate being cold--especially living in the parents' basement where there is NO HEAT.

-- I am not a shopper by nature, but starting to get an "itch" to go spend some money--on myself, mainly. Haven't done that in I don't know how long.

-- I really ought to TRY to get SOME 'work' done...

exhausted--so just "re-capping"

Friday, Nov. 12: 1/2 day at work, left the office at 1 pm. Went to Weissman's on Macklind to buy new black character shoes and a black leotard. Came home, finished washing my costumes and packing them in my suitcase, took a bath, and took a nap. Went to Applebee's w/ Dustin and some of the cast afterward.

Saturday, Nov. 13: Woke up @ 9:30 am, ran a couple errands, ate donuts, came home and took a nap until about 12:30 pm. Got my wedding dress!!! It's even prettier in white, and fits me like a glove!!! (The one I tried on at the store was ivory w/ spun gold trim, and a size too small. But mine is perfect!) Took another nap from about 3 until 5:30 pm. Showered, got ready, went to St. John's. LOTS of people I knew in the audience tonight. Show went very well again--got 1/2 standing ovation, very nice. Magnolia's after the show w/ Dustin, Eric & Heather, Jedidiah, Priscilla, Lauren, and Cliff. Joie was surprised and happy to see us there; talked to me onstage during intermission, asked if Dustin was there w/ me, (Dustin got a kick out of that), apologized that he can't come see my show. Talked w/ Joie, Greg, and Frank after it was over. Stopped through McDonald's, and were home & in bed probably close to 3 or 3:30 am.

Sunday, Nov. 14: Woke up @ 12:30 pm. Lay around all day in pj pants and a t-shirt, took ANOTHER nap (oh how I LOVE naps!), ate some leftover donuts. Dusty left to play poker, I took a shower, and headed to the show. Didn't know anyone in the audience today, but got to meet Jedidiah's boyfriend, who was there. Standing ovation as well--very nice. Rented "Jersey Girl", got a leg massage from Dustin (NEEDED that!), went to bed about midnight.

muslin and character shoes

Random thoughts that came up last night during rehearsal:

Muslin is easy to tear, but a b*tch to fray the edges. Found out you have to use a safety pin, scratch the edges furiously (until you think you're going to start a fire), pull out each individual string, and make sure you have frayed approximately 1/4 inch along each edge. Width of the muslin doesn't matter so much, but apparently length does... (To patch flats.)

Black character shoes should come w/ a warning label: "These are the most uncomfortable shoes you will EVER wear in your life. They are a B*TCH. They don't break in (until you've had them for 13 years, per Priscilla), don't bend, and they bruise your toes and make your heels bleed." However, the consensus of the other dancers and other women in the show who wear character shoes is this: tan character shoes AREN'T so uncomfortable...

A cowboy hat must fit you JUST RIGHT, or it will fall down over your eyes (or come flying off of your head) while dancing. I don't know this from personal experience, but it was a thought I had while trying on each d*mn cowboy hat backstage...

Having a coughing fit while you're trying to sing a duet (which is too high for my range anyway) is NOT COOL...

Going back to the black character shoes bit: I can't feel my toes...

I need more water backstage, and I need something to snack on...

Tan trenchcoats that give the impression you're not wearing any other clothes underneath (even though we are!), along w/ a black fedora, are really FUN to wear... (LOL)

And, finally, to quote Vin Diesel in the movie XXX, "I live for this sh*t!"