YASE.

I feel like a giddy little school girl.

Tomorrow at 11 a.m. I will be on the internet...

hoping to score New Kids on the Block tickets.

That's right. I said it.

They're coming to St. Louis November 10, and I couldn't be more stoked.
NKOTB was my VERY FIRST concert - I think I was in 6th grade - and I just recently found out it was ALSO my MOM's VERY FIRST concert!

Keep your fingers crossed for me, no matter how much of a nerd you think I am.

back to the grind...

So. After an emergency appendectomy on the 18th, followed by a week and a half off work, I'm back to the grind tomorrow. I followed up with a surgeon yesterday, and the doc finally released me to be "normal" again. The three incisions (above the pubic bone, below the belly button, and the mid right side of my stomach) are healing just fine and aren't infected, but the bruise around my belly button looks like a bright yellow-green sun. I still am having some pain to the left of my belly button, which I think has come from either "stuff" shifting around inside, or overusing my stomach muscles and not getting in / out of bed properly. (a.k.a., I haven't been rolling to my side like a beached whale, then pushing up onto my elbow, as instructed by the nurses.) Not to mention, I can't wear normal clothes. Anything that is not completely elasticized in the waist is not possible. Basically, if it has to be buttoned or zipped, and can't be sagged down to my crotch, I can't wear it. Looks like I'll be wearing a dress tomorrow and Friday...which is jeans day. :-( Eh, what can you do, though?
Thanks to everyone who sent flowers / cards, called, emailed, and just checked in on my recovery and well-being. It's all so much appreciated, and I love each and every one of you.

Thanks to my mom, who sat with me a couple days when Dusty had to work, kept me company, and laughed at me when I showed her my impeccable skill of picking things up off the floor with my toes. (Since I couldn't, and still can't, bend over.) She also became my "gardener", and took care of the jungle of flowers and plants that were on the island. :-)

Thanks to my dad, who came over and watched an DVD of converted old family reels, and was too chicken sh*t to check out my bandaged incisions. He also struck well on a lottery ticket, and contributed to the "Stacey's impending hospital bill" fund.
AND to Dustin, my loving, wonderful, "man slave" of a husband. He waited on me hand and foot, always made sure I had everything I needed, and ensured that I was comfy. He took care of me completely, picked up extra chore duty, and basically told me to "get over" the fact that I couldn't do anything for myself and was just going to have to live with it, rather than push it and make things worse. (In a completely loving way, of course.) Love you, honey. :-)

I'll tell you what. I wouldn't wish the pain before the appendectomy, the surgery itself, or the recovery period on anyone. But with friends and family like I have, they all contributed to make it at least more bearable. I love you guys.

I told myself I wasn't going to cry...

...and then I did.

A very dear friend stopped by today. It will be the last time I see him for who knows how long. He leaves for LA in two days.

J and I have been through a lot together. In short, over the six years we've known each other, this has been our story:
We met and became friends while working together on Meramec's production of "Godspell", then proceeded to take the friendship to the next level (rather quickly, if I remember correctly) and evolve into a pretty serious romantic relationship. We then tore each other's hearts out with a nasty split (even though I was the one, in all honesty, who did most of the tearing) and went into relationships with different people. I got married, he got married and moved to LA, and all ties were cut. We quit speaking for the longest time. Then, of all places, I ran into him at a bookstore, and we slowly started trying to catch up and put the pieces of a broken friendship back together. We, along with our significant others eventually got together (my wonderful husband, and his fabulous new girlfriend after his divorce), and the 4 of us clicked immediately. My husband liked my ex boyfriend and the new girlfriend, the new girlfriend liked the ex girlfriend and her husband. I had never, EVER had doubts about leaving J and marrying Dustin. I never, EVER questioned myself for making that decision. I always knew it was the right one to make. But at that moment, the thought really solidified in my mind: "Things are as they should be. THIS is how it was meant to be, for each of us." From there, J and I managed to forge a stronger, more meaningful friendship than we had ever had.

If anyone can make it in LA, let me tell you, it's J. He's got the talent, the ego, and the drive. I honestly wasn't sure that he would give it another go, after the first time. But circumstances are different now.

I told him that I'm scared of losing another friend. I don't want to, nor do I think I could handle it at this particular stage in my life. Over the last year and a half, I've been on a subconscious trip of self-discovery. I know what is most important to me. I know, for me, what matters most in life. And I know it happens, that friends grow up and consequently, they grow apart. I understand that. I accept it. I'd be naive not to. But I'm at the point in my life where I don't have the time or the energy for the bullshit and games. I know who I can count on; I know who is REALLY there for & with me, and I'll fight my damndest to hang onto those friendships with all of my being. This is one of them. After all the hurt and bullshit we've put each other through, and been through together, we have worked hard to put things back together and become as close as we have. It would break my heart to have all of that dissolve. (And let me just point out here that I am DAMN LUCKY and INCREDIBLY BLESSED to have a husband who understands, appreciates, and loves that aspect of my personality and self.)

Each and every one of my friends brings something to the table. Each and every one teaches me a lot - about relationships, self, love, and life. This one has been, is, and will continue to be, no different.

So. J. I wish you the best of luck, and wish the world for you. I'm going to miss you terribly, but I have a feeling (and I really hope and pray) that THIS is the start of something bigger and better. Something that you have always wanted, craved, and desired. Shoot for the moon, J. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. I know you'll kick ass out there.

meltdown

So anyone who knows me knows that I'm a very independent person...some may go so far as to say I'm stubborn. (And, I would have to whole heartedly agree.) I had kind of a meltdown yesterday.

Backstory: I went to the ER last Sunday night after having some stomach pains off and on since Wednesday. Late last year I had the same kind of pains, and it turned out to be a ruptured ovarian cyst. The pain felt similar, and knowing the ER could do nothing about it other than dope me up on pain meds and release me a couple hours later, I decided to tough it out. By Sunday night, however, the pain had gotten much worse and I was pretty nauseous. I finally sucked it up and told Dustin to take me to the ER at SJMMC.

Long story short, they did CT scans, blood work, etc. All the normal battery of tests. The ER doc reviewed the CT scan and said my appendix was slightly inflamed, but he was going to have the surgeon come down and take a look at it. The surgeon reviewed the CT scan, and a half hour later, I was being prepped for surgery. The surgery took only about 45 minutes or so (from what I've been told), and they luckily were able to do it laproscopically (three 1-inch incisions), rather than having to make a big incision I was discharged late Monday evening, told to stay off work for the remainder of the week (so far), follow up with the surgeon in a week, and take it easy.

That's where the meltdown comes in. By yesterday, I'd had it with laying around the house, not being able to do anything, needing help with anything and everything. I decided I wanted to run a quick errand (Dusty had to drive since I can't do that, either) to the post office, then back home just to get me out. Needless to say, we didn't make it to the post office. I can't get regular clothes on (I've been living in pj shorts and pants all week), and I've found that standing too long increases the pain and makes me dizzy. So I had a meltdown. I bawled my eyes out. I know if I try to push it I'm going to make myself worse, but I have SUCH a hard time being dependent on someone else.

Hopefully this will heal more quickly over the next couple of days (I feel a lot better than I did earlier in the week), and I will be able to be out and about soon enough. Wish me luck that I can accept help, rather than being a weenie and "tough girl" and having this ridiculous desire to do everything "BY MYSELF!!"