Ballyhoo

"Last Night of Ballyhoo" tonight at DB--Little Joey plays Peachy, so we agreed to go see him in it. I don't know much about the show; I've seen it once, back when I was a Junior in highschool, but couldn't describe the plot or anything. However, if you're interested, check this out for a pretty good, short & simple plot summary. (But without spoilers...)

family

News on both sides of the fence:
--Grandma had carpal tunnel release surgery on her right wrist / arm (the one that has lymphoedema caused by her breast cancer surgery several years ago) sometime last week. (My mother tends to keep me in the dark about these things, so I won't worry myself sick over it.) Her fingers were starting to tingle like they were asleep and go numb, so the doctors told her the surgery had to be done. Come to find out, her left wrist / arm is getting to be as bad as the right, so that one will have to be operated on sooner than later as well. I just hope her knees don't start acting up again--the woman's had I don't know how many knee surgeries, replacements included...

--My husband's aunt (my aunt-in-law?) had surgery to have a lump removed from her breast last Friday. She returned to the doctor yesterday for a follow-up, only to find that the lump was cancerous, and that the cancer has spread. She has been diagnosed with ductal carcinoma, which is cancer of the milk ducts in the breast. A return visit on Monday--including a bone scan, CT scan, and chest x-ray--will conclude how far it's spread, and what steps they can take to kill the disease before it becomes too widespread. Chemo and radiation are almost guarantees, but she will have a few choices as far as lumpectomy or masectomy. There are risks with both, as there is with any type of treatment, but there is MORE of a risk NOT to have anything done. I just ask that you keep us in your prayers. Thanks.

scout, jem, and atticus finch

I never had to read "To Kill a Mockingbird" in highschool; however, since I've heard nothing but good things about it, I've wanted to read it for the longest time. My mother-in-law got it for me for Christmas about a year ago, and it's been collecting dust ever since. Finally, the other night, I grabbed it off the shelf and have not been able to put it down since. This is quickly becoming one of the top 5 favorite books I've ever read, and I'm only halfway through it...HIGHLY RECOMMENDED...

random notes (a lot about "Side Show")

--We have only 2 weeks of rehearsal left before tech week and the opening of the show. Be afraid, be very afraid. (I know I am...)
--Music for "Side Show" is damn good, but also damn hard. For someone who cannot read a lick of music, four part harmonies aren't as easy as the musical director simply saying, "You go from an F flat to a B sharp" or whatever Greek words he throws in to convey sounds. Just play it for me, please? Let me hear it, and I'll match it. (Or at least try...)
--My plaid pants are cute, dammit. And people have told me so. Nah. :P
--Dances for "Side Show" are really cute, really simple. Thank you Mary. You are my hero.
--Thank you for changing the vanity mirror lightbulb--even though it took me 4 days to notice it! :)
--My costume involves harem pants, bare feet, and... a bra. I will be on stage, dancing & singing, in . my . bra. Wow. (If this doesn't whip me into motivational sit-up stage, I don't know WHAT will.)
--Double jointed hips can be fun (sorry, kiddies), but can also be a pain in the...well, in the hip. I feel like my right one is bone grinding on bone right now. And . it . HURTS. For no apparent reason, either.
--I so could just crawl back into bed RIGHT NOW, curl into the fetal position, and sleep through until early tomorrow morning. *sigh* That just sounds soooo good...

trivia

DB's trivia night to support Project Graduation was held Saturday night in the cafeteria. Dustin & I went to it last year and had a blast, so there was no way we were missing this year's. We had a much smaller table than we did last year--this year it was Dustin, me, Cliff, Bob, Little Joe, and Laura (formerly W.). We didn't do very well--which I didn't figure we would, considering there was free alcohol flowing--but I think we did surprise ourselves (just a little?) and do a bit better than we all thought we would. Props to Bob for getting almost ALL of the answers correct on the "Thanks for the Memories" round...it helps that he has worked at Busch Stadium forever and all the questions had to do with Busch.

We had an unofficial poker game / get-together at the apartment afterward and had a blast. (Note to Bob and / or Christian: you will tell me what show the S.A.T. is doing next summer.... ;) Finally got to bed about 3:30 a.m.--after I passed out on the couch for about a half hour. (Sorry, Cliff, Allison, and Joe!!!) I can't wait to do something like that again. Hope everyone had as much fun as we did!

please allow me to be long-winded...

I didn't enter into the institution (asylum?) of marriage thinking that it would be a breeze or even easy. I just never thought it would be so damn hard. Everyone says the first year is the hardest; I'm realizing they are right.

Things at home have been stressful lately. I'm gone 4 nights a week--two of those nights the husband plays poker or darts, which is fine--we still don't like to agree on who does what chore-wise, I'm not happy in my current job and have been having pretty bad self-esteem issues lately, he's growing discontent in his job, money is a big part of it, plus other daily problems that add to it all. Part of it is my fault--I agreed to do another show (2 months after my last one closed) in which I have a 30 minute drive to and from rehearsal...4 nights a week. Doing our own thing once in a while is good, sure. That way we aren't tempted to kill each other. But 4 nights a week apart is a lot for a newlywed couple. As I've said time and time again, I LOVE doing theatre...I would be dead without it. It's like a drug to me...But so is my husband and my marriage.

*For anyone thinking, "oh no", please let me clarify by saying WE ARE NOT IN TROUBLE. I just have some thoughts that I wanted to share*

I think what we're both realizing is something we've known all along--we need each other. That is such an amazing concept / feeling that sometimes I have trouble grasping it. Granted, we don't need each other like a newborn child needs its parents; we don't need or depend on each other for food or diaper changes--at least not yet. But we need and depend on each other for support, comfort, honesty, and love. And I know we both take that for granted sometimes. It's hard not to; human beings just are like that.

Speaking of children, I love the thought of becoming pregnant, having babies, and watching our children grow up. Weird as it may seem, I also like thinking about the spats I'm sure we're going to have when it comes to deciding the names of our children. If we could afford it, and we had a house, I would have a child right now. No joke.

We argue--it's one thing Dustin and I have always done quite well. Not that that's something to be proud of, but at least we agree when to disagree, and we're not shy about letting the other know. We're both very straightforward people, we let each other know when our buttons are being pushed, we say what we need to say when it needs to be said, and (we're not very good at this part) we keep quiet when we should / need to.

We have hurt each other's feelings, we have said things we can't take back. We have cried together, and we have been so pissed off that it seemed the easiest thing to do would be to give up on each other and us. (And, at times early in the relationship, we did just that.)

BUT, we have also laughed together, and been so in love that it seemed our hearts would burst. We have worshiped the ground each other walk on, and we have begun spinning dreams, wishes, and hopes for our future. TOGETHER.

We have grown, and we have both matured. Sometimes it may not seem that way, but there are times I look at him and can't help but think how much he has grown up and changed for the better over the course of 5 years. We have helped each other grow, and we have helped mold each other into the people that we are today. He may not be the best at dealing with me when I cry, but he is always there picking me up when I need it, and somehow sensing just when I need a hug.

Marriage is such a...neat...thing. I don't even know how to say / describe it. It is hard, yea, but there have been so many great memories made and times shared--in just a 5 month span--that I look forward to the rest of my life with the eagerness of a child. I can't wait to make more memories and share more fun times, inside jokes. THIS is what marriage is about.

The feelings of knowing you always have a Friday night date, a support system, someone to go to sleep with every night and wake up with each morning, and a BEST FRIEND RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE are completely inexplicable.

I am proud to be his wife, and I am proud to have Dustin as my husband; something I don't let him know as often as I should. Every time I say my married name, or I sign it to a document, I can't help but grin. I am part of something so amazing and wonderful that I can't even begin to imagine my life without him or us. Feelings I never thought possible blossom within me and threaten to consume me at times. I feel incredibly lucky and blessed that we found each other. I wouldn't trade this asylum for anything. He hates when I blog about us--airing too much of our personal lives, etc.--but I want him (and everyone else) to know how much I love and APPRECIATE him. Always have and always will.

(And now you can all make fun of me and call me a sap. :P But thanks for listening, just the same.)

politics

The deeper and more in depth I get into the community theatre circuit of St. Louis, the more I hear / learn about all the political BS that is involved. I heard some disturbing news last night about an old director of mine, and the more I think about it, the more pissed off I become. Some people (mostly the ones really involved with the politics) are so damn concerned with winning an Arts for Life award that they don't care who they step on, roll over, hurt, or crush in the process.

Community theatre is about working your ass off at rehearsals, making memories that last a lifetime, and performing on stage to enrich the cultural lives of people in the community. At least that's what it is to ME and many other performers.

But there are some people who have burned--and yet CONTINUE burning--bridges with those who used to support and stand by them the most. And if it continues, NO ONE is going to want to work with them because, soon enough, it will catch up to them and their reputations will begin to precede them. (And they won't be good reputations, either.)

So what do I do about all of this? I continue working my ass off at rehearsals, making memories that will last a lifetime, and performing on stage to enrich the cultural lives of others in the community. But others can't be so nearsighted as to forget why we do what we do. It's not about the accolades or awards. At least it shouldn't be.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not knocking the community theatre circuit here, nor am I becoming disheartened with my passion. My heart is in the theatre, and that's where it's been my entire life. To quote a friend of mine, "The stage is where I belong and I'll never look back."

BUT, I'll definitely never look into the political side of it, that's for damn sure.